Bursting

Today has been awesome and it’s only 9:06 AM. My Jesus is wonderful, and I am near to bursting with the quiet way He is loving me today.

He does that. Shows me something between one breath and another that makes my heart race and my mind stop.

He gets to me exactly where I need getting too. Especially when I’m blind to one of my many needs.

In the last few weeks, I have acted with purpose in working on some goals of mine. And I’ve been productive. And I’ve also had some “me-me-me” moments that haven’t been so cool.

What has been cool is drawing closer to my good and loving Jesus.

This morning I successfully learned a new skill for a project I’ve wanted to complete for the last two and a half years. I’ve been learning to crochet in spurts since I got pregnant the first time. Two babies 11 months apart severely interrupted my study. Crochet is not a pick it up and do it flawlessly kind of skill for me. The dreaded perfectionist in me prefers to give up on anything that takes more than a few tries to succeed (which really just reveals her to be an insecure quitter).

There is a blanket I’ve wanted to make for my daughters (which of course means making two, because I love to over -commit). It’s a project that requires learning multiple new skills and a great deal of patience. But I’m determined. Rain, shine, or multiple redos, I’m going to finish this project. So when I finished off my first, actually well done, flower this morning, I almost wanted to cry. IT IS SO GOOD! Not at all perfect but incredibly beautiful to me because I made it. I showed it off to my babies. (They were so impressed. Seriously.) I made more! I smiled and then an earthly perfect moment came along as I mentioned it to Jesus.

For me, it’s easy to relate to God as Father and Savior and Lord. But I have a harder time with the idea of friend.

I struggle with wanting to be more intimate and close to Jesus but feeling like my relationship with Him has to stay focused on the big, important, life-changing kind of things. And while those things are of profound importance, I think the drawing close to Christ happens in moments like this one. An excited smile shared between Friend and friend.

And I’m starting to see some of the moments where He is excited about something He’s done and wants to share it with me. To feel Him smile as I embrace these seconds between breaths and feel the renewed wonder at all the good that persists despite me and this fallen world. Wow.

Just wow.

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