So. The internet. Social media. It’s can be an amazing tool. A great piece of technology that connects, motivates, drives us to learn more. Do more. But it can also be misunderstood and misused by insecurity, pride, greed.
My flesh is weak. The struggle with being a fallen woman in a sin-filled world is hard. Like for real. But what’s shocking to me (on a sadly regular basis) is that I keep holding my broken candle next to other broken candles and wishing mine burned like their’s burns.
Jesus said we are light. LIGHT. A bright way to shine into the darkness. And I’m suddenly being introduced to so many beautiful people, women in particular, that are doing exactly want I want to do! They are using their gifts to love their families, teach others, and feed their light. And I want that.
I’m confessing that I’m covetous. And I’m wrong.
I keep hoping that somehow, my little light will just suddenly pop up and be brighter. That I’ll suddenly be using my gifts in a big way. That my voice will reach tons of people every day. But the problem with that: I’m trying to be THE light. Instead of pointing to Christ and living surrendered, I’m trying to block the Son with my little candle.
It is good and encouraging to see so many Jesus-loving, God-honoring women in the generation I’m a part of and learning from and I want to be part of that. But what I’m realizing is that my part right now, the role of learner, is vitally important.
I have my plans. My Father has control. He says so.
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps. Proverbs 16:9
I don’t know everything about these women but I do know that my heart deeply resonates with the things they say and teach. I want to be a servant and have the heart of a servant and live fully for my Savior. I want to use my gifts and passions to break my candle all the way and just live in and point to the Son. With everything I say and do.
I do know God has, is, and will use me. For His glory.
Lord, I want to point others to You! To live with surrendered purpose knowing that Your plan is best for me. Knowing that the life You’ve given me and the path I’m walking are my own. I get to be ME! Help me learn to love that. To follow through with what You’ve shown me and to be bold in pointing to You. Cleanse me of this deadly insecurity and pride. Envelop me with the strength and warmth of Your regard. You are my audience. Let me live this life for only You.