Father. Today I’m starving.
That gnawing ache from looking at the world. It’s eating me up.
That sense of not measuring up…not getting enough. Unsatisfied. HUNGRY.
I think the process of starvation began yesterday. When I got distracted by some pretty, new technology that will be old and clunky in less than a year. When I started thinking hard about how to make that little piece of the world mine all mine. When I came home with that little niggling in my mind about all I don’t have and all I want.
Of course, I dutifully swallowed that materialism and went on just doing my Wife-Momma thing. But that world-hunger took root. Right in the gut. Perfectly lodged in the center of me.
And so this morning, empty and needing my You-hunger uniquely satisfied, I instead partook in more of the world’s fare. Nothing “bad.” Just a few blogs. A couple Facebook scans. My Twitter once over.
I binged on what people have to offer and neglected that first morning moment with You. I didn’t prepare my heart or my mind to walk the path today. I let it slip, over-stuffed with emptiness.
And so the need for more went unfulfilled.
You know, I’ve been told more times than I can count that daily time with You, the Word, and that self-mirror is vital to my health. But I think this realization, this moment, gives name to the beast that sometimes eats me from within. I’m world-saturated and God-starved.
Sure, it felt like I was taking in the good. Reading the words of other believers. Scoffing at the darkness of the masses. Filling and filling and filling my center with words that cannot satisfy.
And now the blah…it GRATES. The sense of missing something…it SWELLS. The unfilled, completely necessary space where my eyes are to be fixed on You…it’s cluttered. Messy. Over-stimulating.
Too much. And never enough.
So…I take in this moment with that little breath of acknowledgment and surrender and peace. I close my eyes and realize all over again how true…how noble…how right…how pure… how lovely…how admirable…how excellent…how praiseworthy…YOU ARE.
And my hunger fades. It pales. It finds its fullness.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. -Romans 15:13
And I do. Overflowing. Thank You, my Father. My Savior.