I decided a moment ago that I do not like the phrase, “one of those days.”
Which is HILARIOUS, because I use that phrase with frequency.
But if I look at my days with a fair lens, I’d be willing to admit that most of my days vary greatly from hour to hour and sometime minute to minute.
At some point today, I began to feel disappointed. Now, it didn’t start that way, and I am praying that it will not end that way. But, it did take that turn. Why? I’ll be glad to tell you.
I woke up happy and energized. Had a frenetic cleaning of my house. Started laundry. Started dinner. Started lunch. Loved on my children. Felt like supermom for all of an hour. And THEN…I got lost in all too familiar territory. ME-Town. Taking a too long look in the reflecting pool but only for a glimpse at the surface.
I’ve compared myself before to a T-Rex. I roar and rumble and generally make a mess. And my Clumsy T-Rex ways certainly did that today.
My excursion to ME-Town left me with the following fallout: laundry halted, lunch ruined, dinner burned, and a few key relationships strained. Why? Because I have spent far too much of my time worried about some things I want and not nearly enough time focused on the love and grace and Lordship of Jesus Christ.
Indeed, it left me feeling like a complete disappointment.
Disappointment? HA! That word is not nearly strong enough for the chest-squeezing, stomach-knotting, cheek-burning way that I feel about myself in a moment like this one. My serenity…my gratitude…my joy…my love. Where are these qualities? Where did they go? What happened to all those lovely sentiments of happiness and energy and a sense of accomplishment? The day started off so right. How did I end up here?
In 2 Corinthians 10:5, Paul tells the church, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (NIV)”
And so, I take captive these rambling thoughts and emotions which are so CAPRICIOUS. So INTANGIBLE. So utterly DISAPPOINTING in how easily they change and become forfeit. I demolish the idea that I am a disappointment simply because my choices and behavior was disappointing.
Instead, I look to the Word:
Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose trust is the LORD.
He is like a tree planted by water,
that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
for it does not cease to bear fruit.
The heart is deceitful above all things,
and desperately sick;
who can understand it?
I the LORD search the heart
and test the mind,
to give every man according to his ways,
according to the fruit of his deeds.–Jeremiah 17:7-10 (ESV)
Oh, to be like this man! Planted by water…without fear…unceasingly fruitful. I’m guessing he doesn’t visit ME-Town quite so often. No…this man’s mind seems to be on the LORD. Not on his heart. Not on wild and waning emotions.
Please don’t misunderstand. I have nothing against emotions. They are God-given and one of the things that sets us apart as human…but they are wickedly beguiling. Taunting and too often all wrong in their focus. My emotions too frequently lead me places that I do not want to go and into stress and strain that need not be!
For, “…you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”–1 Peter 2:9 (NIV)
When my eyes are on Jesus, then my heart begins to beat with a purpose and rightness that does not leave me feeling bereft or disappointed because I am part of His chosen people, of His royal priesthood, of His holy nation, of a people BELONGING to God. What joy is there in knowing that it is NOT about ME! It is about HIM! He has done marvelous things in my life and in this world, and when I put my eyes and the meditations of my heart on Him…He will not disappoint.