Silence in Waiting

One of my favorite songs is The Lord our God by Kristian Stanfill. I most often sing this at my home recovery group on Thursday nights.

There is a line that ALWAYS strikes me as I sing it. Do I really believe this? Do I really know this? I need to believe this. I need to know this!

In the silence, in the waiting
Still we can know You are good
All Your plans are for Your glory
Yes, we can know You are good
Yes, we can know You are good

(Taken from The Lord our God by Kristian Stanfill)

 

In the silence…God is good. In the waiting…God is good. ALL of His plans are for His glory…YES, we can KNOW…

Just being honest, I don’t always believe this about God. I’ve frequently struggled with my own past hurts, and I sometimes see God as arbitrary…cruel…unfeeling. I almost daily struggle against Pharisee-like thoughts on my sanctification. I frequently get hung up on the idea that God only wants to take away from me…not give to me.

And then, I look around the great abundance in my life and I am humbled anew at the reality that despite all of my wrong thinking and bad theology, God is good. All the time. ALL the time.

I know that one of the times I struggle the most is in the silence…when I am waiting on God for anything. In prayer, when I don’t know what words to use, if any. In church, when I don’t completely feel like being there. During worship, when I’m just not feeling the music or the words or the crowd…or whatever. Basically, any time when I’m worried about ME in the moment instead of turning my heart to God.

I’ve found that the two are intimately connected…God’s silence and my waiting. When I get nothing, feel nothing, and am yearning most for some bolt of lightning type response from Him to either my circumstances or my emotions, He gives me quiet…quiet to hear my own shortcomings and realize anew that He is all that matters.

Silence is loud. Echoing. Filling. In a way my words are not. I have to be alone in that moment and truly hear my thoughts…hear my heart…hear the depths of the cries of my soul. God uses those silences to speak to me in a way I can’t hear when I’m trying to fill those moments up with thoughts, emotions, words, stuff. When I’m trying to fill it up with me…always me.

I’ve grown fond of God’s silences. Because those moments become about faith. About knowing. About recognizing my own deep well of unbelief.

When I have to wait on God, and He is silent, I have to trust in Him. Know Him. Believe Him.

With love,

Tiffany

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