“The doc thinks…”
For some reason, as I sat at the stop light today leaving the Pediatrician’s office, that little phrase caught my eye. I’d sent a text update to my husband letting him know what the doctor had said and it struck me that it seemed to imply that the doctor was uncertain about her diagnosis. I didn’t mean it that way of course, but it resonated deeply inside of me that I was revealing a truth about myself without even realizing it.
I don’t trust well.
This is not news to me. I’ve actually been dealing with it quite a bit over the last 2 1/2 years, but it still peeps its head up in unexpected ways. Part of my lack of trust in others is the result of hurts I’ve experienced over the years. Part of it is pride in my self over others. Part of it, to put it simply, is that humanity is flawed. Down deep flawed.
So, as I sat and pondered this reality of mine, God led me deep enough to see a truth that He recognizes in me.
I think that my thinking is always absolute fact.
Re-read that if it didn’t sink in the first time because it blew me away when I realized what that meant for me. I love to believe that my thoughts are definitive. Informed. Completely rational and fact-based, but I think that with a mind and a heart and a body full of experiences, sin, struggles, limited worldview. Deep down, when it comes to being absolutely 100% right all the time, I cannot be trusted.
My thoughts cannot always be trusted. Which means my conclusions cannot always be trusted. Which means that I cannot always be trusted.
Now, before anyone gets offended on my behalf and starts talking in poster-size pick-me-ups, I understand that I can have confidence in who I am because of the love of Christ Jesus. I understand confidence. Its a growing game in that area for me. I understand that going with my gut often yields the best fruit for my life. I understand that I am not always wrong and that my instincts do matter.
However, I cannot always be trusted.
That sweet doctor with her massive education and experience will sometimes be wrong in a diagnosis. It will happen. Not because her rationale or study were lacking, but because no person on their own can hold ALL the facts within themselves and be right all the time. Sometimes, we will be wrong with no proof to the contrary.
Because we are finite. Limited. SMALL.
But my God is BIG. Infinite. Complete fact-holder, right all the time kind of God. Without hesitation, I should be able to look at Him and TRUST that He knows what I cannot and that when this life slips away and eternity burns it to ashes, I will be able to look at my Creator and know that anything I think right now pales in comparison to my ultimate reality.
Today, I’d like to leave you with that hope. Our God doesn’t think…He knows.