This is my third attempt today to accomplish a task that my heart and my hands are driving me towards. Driving me to write and to weigh in and to reflect. Driving me to take a piece of someone else’s something and make it into something about me.
Anyone else have that problem?
I don’t even know that it is totally wrong in this situation. Because the weight that I feel has to do with the common weight we all carry as human beings. The weight and knowledge that our death is coming.
All of us. We are all dying.
Most of the time, at this point, I run/duck/hide from this hard truth. I bury my head and shrug it off and find an alternative way to remind myself that “yeah, that’s true, but right this second, I’m not dead, so I’m just going to get on with it, the living thing.”
But, I’m dying. Really, truly, my body is a constant state of breaking down. Little by little. Until eventually, it will break all the way. The heart…the mind…the bodily systems. In some way, on a day, I will cease to be the way that I am now.
My awareness and my body and my knowledge, it will all change.
In an instant. In the twinkling of an eye. This ends and the beginning comes.
There is a moment in the Lord of the Rings movies when Gandalf is talking to Pippin as the horde of orcs is descending on Minas Tirith. The knowledge of their impending death sits heavily on their shoulders. Pippin, whose life has been much shorter, wonders aloud at what is coming. Gandalf who has tasted what is to come from death passes on what he knows to Pippin. He is confident.
The one thing that I fear greatly I am not.
If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you probably have a sense of my mercurial nature. And if not, then I’m doing a better job masking than I thought. J
Regardless of your conclusions about me, I know myself to be quicksilver.
It takes me mere seconds to go from belief to arrogance to fear to uncertainty to any number of other emotions.
When I’m facing the reality of death, I move through the gambit much quicker.
The one choice I am not hasty to make: peace.
I’m so totally Pippin.
Thank Jesus I’ve got the ultimate Gandalf. The One who has met death, felt death, and then awakened to complete life.
Life apart from the power of death. A life of confidence and peace because Jesus Christ has rescued me. He has given me the same power that He found walking out of the grave.
Jesus Christ is my confidence.
Lord, let it be.