What Finds Me in the Dark

My heart is a bit heavy tonight.

Heavy with the sense of time passing. Of the sections of my life slowly falling away.

Each new section brings its own beauty. Heartache. Unspeakable joy.

But, there are a few of you out there that are on my mind tonight.

A few of you my heart misses even though my head knows seasons of life are just that. Seasonal. They pass. And sometimes people pass with them.

For me, a lot of people have passed.

Or I let them go.

Some for my good.

Some to my regret.

All relevant to who I am now.

When I smile at my daughters or laugh with my husband, I feel the zest of this life. The echo it is of heaven with my Lord. The shadow of what is to come.

I’m writing this tonight in the silence of my home because my heart is weighted with the need for you to know.

I need you to know that I did love you. Our friendship meant more to me than I’ve ever been capable of expressing. That no matter why or how or for what reason we drifted apart, your name, your face, your laughter, your tears, they are etched into a part of me that is necessary. A part of my growing up that I couldn’t have done without.

You mattered to me. So ridiculously much. You still do.

In that echoing, nostalgic, heart wrenching way that the past continues to matter.

I hope some of you read this. Some of you who shared more than a few sleepless and sleep-little nights in the darkness with me.

I love you. Jesus saved me. And I know that on nights like this, when I find the memories of you in the dark, that He loves you too.

Praying for you, my dear friends. Because you were there with me then, and I hope in whatever way you need, I can be there for you now.

And with that weight lifted, I can sleep.

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