Ah. I begin to see. 

This world does not satisfy. 

I’m beginning to see. Really see. In a new way. A deeper way. 

It seems like this is what God keeps doing in me. Giving me small doses of what I need, watching me fail at being good, and then drawing me back to the truth over and over. 

I used to buck this process hard. Thrashing, screaming, devastation. But now, I start to see. I start to understand. As much as I am saved and as much as I will be saved, I am being saved. My hope is not limited to the past moment of my salvation. My hope is not limited to what will come at His return or my passing. My hope is in the now. In this moment. 

It is in how I have failed for the last 3 weeks while my sweet husband has been working hard out of town. I’ve failed to give my all. I’ve failed to keep my focus. I’ve failed at being what I want to be for Him and him and them and all of you. 

But Jesus. He hasn’t failed me. Not even for a moment in the midst of this latest struggle. Or ever. 

I can take hold of the peace of this moment. Of knowing my God has paid the price through His Son. That I am trusting in Him, repenting of my own ridiculous self reliance. And I have turned, am turning, will turn to Him. 

Ah, it feels like the breathing is easier. The real is closer. 

Jesus is ever Lord. 


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