The deep breath comes…

If you’ve read this blog, thank you.

If you’ve gotten anything out of the things that I have to say to the world, I’m glad.

I’m taking a deep breath today to tell you this…I’m not going anywhere.

You’ll find a history over the last few months of me peeking my head in and out of this blogging space. I’ve dreamed several times of deleting it entirely and erasing the entire experience from my memory. I’ve alternatively read blog post upon blog post about how to make blogging work for me and how to address the purpose of this blog.

I’ve found the purpose.

The purpose of this space is to give a destination to these deep breath moments that I have in my life. I need this space, and I cannot give it up. Not now.

Almost a year ago, a desire stirred deep in my heart to write and share it with people. Over this last year, I’ve struggled with what that looked like and how I should accomplish it. I’ve wrestled with all the stages of doubt and feelings of failure, and I’ve come to the conclusion that giving it up just isn’t an option.

I do believe that God birthed this desire in me a long time ago. Expressing myself in words is part of how I change and grow in this world. It is how I make decisions and how I reflect.

I realized the other night after a major deep breath moment that I was silently composing a blog post in my mind in response to the moment.

Then I knew, I can’t quit this. I can’t give this up. I don’t know how it is going to look from here on out. I don’t know that I will change a thing. Maybe I’ll just keep coming here and typing out these thoughts and letting all of y’all know exactly how I feel at any given time.

With three kids, two of whom are growing like crazy and rocking my world on a regular basis and one who is still cooking, I don’t have the perfect schedule or the perfect slot of time or even a schedule at all.

I am doing what I can, however, to teach and love my children. I am doing what I can to be in the moment with them. I am doing what I can do keep my mind sharp and encourage my family. I am embarking on a few new adventures.

What I haven’t been doing so much is keeping myself vulnerable. Vulnerable to that voice that tells me over and over again to do this. To do it simply, but to do it faithfully. To do it justice by doing it with the truth.

So, here I am, a deep breath comes…I’m going to keep doing this.

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